Journal For Self-Compassion - this is adapted from an exercise by Kristen Neff, Self Compassion expert. 

We can all go through times when we feel pretty "crappy" about ourselves.  That negative critic just won't shut up.  So, let it say what it wants for a limited time, and try writing it down.  

Make sure you have space, privacy, and time to do this exercise because feelings are going to come up.  That's ok.  That's good.  

Let them come.  Don't try and make them any smaller than they need to be AND don't let them become any bigger than they are either.  Just notice what you are feeling as you write down those negative thoughts. 

Breathe, put your feet on the ground, put your hand on your heart.  Centre yourself and if it's too much - STOP.  You are in charge. 

Then when you are ready, take a look at what you have written.  BUT, do it from a NEW perspective.  Imagine you are the kindest, most loving friend on the planet.  You are reading what someone else has written about themselves.  Look through those eyes, kind friend, as you read the negative thoughts. 

 

As this kind friend, you know the author, you know their struggles, their past, their heart their intentions, the circumstances at the time, the barriers etc.  What do you see, think, and feel when you read their negative thoughts about themselves?  What would you like them to know, kind friend?  Tell them.  Write a letter, kind friend to the author of the negative thoughts.  Tell them, from your unconditionally loving and accepting heart what you wish for them. Once the letter is written put it away for at least 30 minutes. 

As yourself, return to find a letter to you written by a kind and loving friend.  Read through the letter and absorb the love and kindness that they have shared with you.  Breathe, close your eyes, let yourself connect to your own love and kindness.  Allow any feelings of self-compassion to arise.  Place your hand on your heart centre and spend time breathing, connected to the love and light and acceptance within. 

Surf the Wave - Regulate Your Intense Urge & Emotions - DBT Skill

When you have been triggered there is a small window of opportunity, seconds, before you react in an old pattern - either shutting down, or lashing out. Practice interrupting the pattern in times when the intensity of emotion is less so that you are able to more easily use your tools when it is heightened. 

This exercise is good for helping you to STOP from acting on a strong impulse or negative pattern of behaviour.  

When you notice that you are feeling the urge to behave negatively - STOP & TAKE A BREATH.  Assess the intensity from 1-10(10 is the worst). 

Imagine that you are a surfer and that the urge or emotion is a wave.  You are going to jump aboard.  Imagine yourself on the surf board, holding tightly, no matter how ferocious the wave might be. You DO NOT let go.  You continue to ride that wave as it goes up and down until it crests and breaks on the beach.  

Notice if this is taking more than 1-2 minutes.  STOP & TAKE A BREATH. Assess the intensity from 1-10.  If it has decreased but is not below 4 go again.  If it hasn't budged, take another intervention.  

Maybe call your coach!

GIVE - Guideline for effective communication   DBT Skill

Communicating isn't always easy and some conversations are more difficult than others.  When you are asking for your needs to be met or saying no to someone's request emotions can arise.  Using some simple guidelines can help things go more smoothly.  It doesn't guarantee everyone is always happy but it can make even the most difficult situation more tolerable. 

G – Gentle.  Be gentle and considerate. Keep your tone of voice respectful and avoid making threats.  Avoid use of the words "should or shouldn’t" and blaming “you” statements, verbal or physical attacks, name-calling.  Sarcasm, condescending tones, threats to hurt yourself, or withdraw your love are manipulative.  Everyone needs to be able to say no and you need to be able to tolerate hearing it. 

I – Interested.  "Act" interested in what the other person has to say and focus on staying in the moment. Pay attention as if you are going to be asked to repeat back the last thing they said.  Don't be thinking about your next statement while they are talking. Don’t interrupt or talk over the other person. Maintain eye contact and ask questions to show genuine interest.  Remember your body language also says alot.  Don’t change the topic of conversation abruptly. Don't steer the conversation away from them and back to you constantly. If they don't want to talk, don't try and force it.

V – Validate. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings, desires or opinions. Be nonjudgmental. You don't have to like, agree or endorse it.  Just acknowledge that it is important to them. It feels good to be heard and understood. Phrases like:  "I see," "that must be hard for you", "wow", "it's understandable that you would feel that way in those circumstances". 

E – Easy Manner.

A smile and a little humor can go a long way.  Everything doesn't have to be so serious. Try softening your approach instead of using a “hard sell.” Try a little more honey and a little less vinegar.

Grounding, Mindfulness, Communication, Self-Awareness & Self-Compassion are just some of the exciting new skills that you learn when we work together.  When you change your perspective you change your life. 

Contact me for your clarity coaching session and learn how your life can change today. 

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© 2019 by Fiona Bennett