Updated: 2 days ago
Why Do I Start My Life Over?
Women start over for all kinds of reasons. With 40% of all first-time marriages ending in divorce and second and third rates even higher, the end of a committed relationship is one pretty common denominator among women re-inventing themselves.
Perhaps you’ve endured a different type of ending: the loss of a job or the death of a loved one.
Maybe you are still gainfully employed, but you have had it with every waking moment being about work; you are ready for some work/life balance. Or you just plain hate, hate, hate your job.
Sometimes, you want less: less weight, smoking, alcohol or just plain less drama in your life. You are ready to shed the old negativity and insert a new program of positivity and joy.
Whatever the reason you have, whether you are moving away from something you are finally fed up enough with or moving toward something you desire, if you are starting over, you know that there is more to life than what you have been living. You are ready, or you desperately want to be ready to make a change and start living life with passion and purpose. You want to wake up in the morning with a sense of intention and go to bed at night with a sense of accomplishment. You are longing for your amazing life.
How Do I Start My Life Over?
Here are 5 tips for women starting over to take you through the process to have an amazing life at any stage:
1.Clear Out the Cobwebs:
We all have a past, and if you are starting over, then the first step is a bit of housecleaning. There’s nothing worse than uprooting everything to find out that “you took you with you”. Until you get to the bottom of what created the unfavourable circumstances you are in now, you will likely end up in them again and again, and …well, you get the picture. You may have tried to start over once or twice already and found yourself in a twilight zone of the same but different pattern or cycle. You will always attract on the outside who you are on the inside.
So, where do you start? First:
Get a Life Coach: You need to clear out old stuck negative woundedness from your past.
Trust me, you cannot do this alone.
If you could, you would’ve already.
You need a fresh perspective to help.
A life coach trained in helping you go within and clear your old wounds quickly is essential. She will guide you where you don’t necessarily want but need to go and help you do it in a safe, compassionate manner so you can move past it to the next much more fun phase! We are wired to want to stay where we are: comfortable and in familiar territory. (check out what a few client's have to say...
That is why even though the life you have is not healthy or satisfying, it is easy to stay stuck. Resistance is actually a good thing. It means you are nudging a belief to expand and open up. A life coach will help you push past the discomfort and continue to the place where healing happens. Get the healing started first, and then you will be able to see the direction clearly.
You need to take control of your life, and the place where that starts is with your mind. You are 100% responsible for your life, and you can only be that if you can stay in it. Meditation helps you stay present and focused on what you want, who you are and where you want to go. Check out this article by Deepak Chopra about the benefits of meditation. And yes, you can do it; everyone can.
2. Change Your Stinkin’ Thinkin’:
Another thing a life coach helps you with is a fresh perspective. You cannot keep doing the same things, or you will keep getting the same results. So, how do you change what you are doing? You change what you are thinking and how you are feeling! People are stuck in life because they are stuck in negative loops that go like this:
THOUGHT: “I’m not worth much.”
FEELING: “I’m unlovable.”
ACTION: “I’m going to do whatever you want so you don’t leave me.” Or “I’m going to push you away first, so it doesn’t hurt when you leave me.”
Then you go about making sure you prove your point. In the first case, you hook up with someone who treats you like garbage, and you keep on taking it, and in the second, you hook up with someone that you treat like garbage until they leave you. In both cases, you end up proving that you aren’t worth much and that you are indeed unlovable. This can go on year after year, relationship after relationship, until you change the thoughts and feelings. Once you truly know you are worth respect and that you are loved, then you act accordingly. Your actions reflect worthiness and the ability to give and receive love in healthy ways. Your vibration is on a different frequency, and you attract relationships that mirror your self-worth.
3. Take Stock of Your Strengths & Weaknesses:
Be fearless as you take an inventory of where you are at in your life right now.
You need to know where you are to get where you want to go more quickly, efficiently and directly.
This is not an opportunity to beat yourself up. It is a chance to do an objective assessment of your strengths and weaknesses. Many people find it easy to independently come up with their negative attributes, and you want to be cautious that you don’t focus on the negative.
Make a list of what you consistently struggle with. You might find that you can see a pattern emerging.
Perhaps, your challenges are centred around finances, or romantic intimacy, or speaking your truth? Don’t dwell on it; just make a note. Ask a close and trusted friend what they would say your weakness is. It might be totally different than you think.
Now, make a list of your strengths. If you have difficulty with this list, ask your friends and family to give you 2 or 3 strengths that they see in you. Tell them you are doing a course or an assignment, and this is a part of it. Again, you might be surprised at the feedback you receive.
Take everything as feedback, not criticism or praise. Don’t take it personally. You are looking for information that you can use to develop yourself.
Focus on your strengths. These are the areas that you are already competent and capable and so build on this.
Delve even deeper into them, lean in fully so that you become an expert in the things you are good at.
With your weaknesses, decide if there are things that you have to do. For example, we all need to know how to do a simple budget, pay our taxes, and manage our money to some degree, but if finances are a weakness for you, consult an expert. Most banks have free financial planning advisers who will help you to get set up in the basics. For help with motivation, goal setting, planning, etc. get a coach who can help you methodically work towards your vision and help you stay accountable.
4. Tune In To Your Higher Self
Knowing where you want to go goes hand in hand with knowing who you are. It is time to get back in touch with your higher self and discover your authentic values, voice and vision for your life.
You are used to relying on your sight, scent, touch, taste and hearing to make sense of the world, but that only gives a glimpse of what is available to you. The Universe has given us unique gifts of creativity, imagination, and intuition. You can tap into your feminine energy and reclaim your inner wisdom to see a crystal clear vision of your life.
Meditation, visualization and journaling are doorways to accessing your higher self.
Start by tuning in to your breath in a simple daily practice of meditative breathing. Learn to quiet and control your mind and stay in the present by focusing on your breath in silence. Allow 10-15 minutes, set a timer for one minute, and whenever your mind wanders, bring it back to your breath and reset. It took me almost two months to get to 1 minute of silent meditation focused on my breathing. This practice is disciplining your mind to stay focused, where you ask it to focus.
Later, once you have mastered the one minute, set your timer for 10-15 minutes and ask a question such as: “How can I be of service today?” Now, listen and allow the Universe and your higher self to answer. At the end of the time, journal whatever you have received. If you didn’t hear anything or see anything, that’s ok. Journal anyway for at least 10-15 minutes.
Your intuitive voice will start to come forward during this practice. Notice what you write and see if there are any impressions, instructions, ideas, images that you feel are leading you to take action that day or week. If so, act.
Don’t hesitate. Act on the intuitive prompts you have been given.
5. Develop Positive, Consistent New Habits for Success
Moving in new directions often means moving away from the old, which can feel scary and isolating. It is essential to build connections with others along your journey. Don’t forget about everyone from your past. Whatever has kept you stuck might have pulled you away from positive, meaningful relationships, and now you can rekindle those.
Reach out to old friends and let them know you are available and that you are no longer caught in the loop: you are accessible and willing to invest time and effort in the friendship.
It’s time to meet new people also. You will be on a frequency of abundance, and others will be attracted to that. Make an effort to find like-minded people who are vibing with you. Check out some FB groups or MeetUps that share your interests and strengths.
Start talking about what you do and what you love. Share your purpose and passion as you live your amazing life.
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Next week: Overcoming Anxiety is Easier Than You Think