“The place was packed with all my friends. Like, wall to wall, you know. I was literally up against the wall in the kitchen holding my red plastic cup just watching everyone as they laughed and danced and jumped up and down like maniacs. Six months ago I would’ve been out there too, drinking my face off. Now, I just kept thinking: when can I get out of here? Is it too rude to leave, yet?” Am I boring now?"
Joyce is 35 years old. She and I started working together a couple of months ago because she wasn’t happy and she wasn’t sure why.
Joyce, like many of us had ended up living a life that wasn’t really hers.
She was in it but she hadn’t consciously chosen or created it and hadn’t paid much attention to whether or not it fit her values, wants, needs or desires.
She grew up believing there was something wrong with her, that she wasn’t very smart and struggled to feel like she fit in with friends and family unless she loosened up a bit. Alcohol was a way to let go of the shame for a while. She could make herself feel seen and heard. While she was drinking, she felt understood, prettier, and more confident.
Often it ended up getting her into some trouble. The next morning she’d regret some of the things she’d said or done. But by then, she could have formed a new relationship she didn't really want, damaged one she did or said something that was hard to undo.
Giving up alcohol isn’t a requirement of my program but for Joyce, it became part of her journey. As she discovered her worth her thirst for it just dried up. Joyce wasn't confident yet and was uncomfortable saying no to her friends and family. Drinking and partying were what they had in common and what she thought made her "fun". And she started to worry.
FOMO or fear of missing out is a common obstacle that stops people from even getting started on their path to happiness. They worry, “if I stop all of the habits creating #drama and #emotion in my life will I be left with nothing? Will life become an empty, meaningless void? And if I lose the friends that I am partying with will I be alone?
Sadly, most people faced with negativity or oblivion will still choose oblivion. Many people would rather pick a bad relationship over being alone.
“Do you feel boring?” I asked her. “God no, she said.” “I feel great. I’m enjoying peace in my life for the first time ever.” “Well, that is fantastic.” I said, “And you can have peace and a very fulfilling life.”
You don’t have to choose drama or oblivion. You can have a peaceful life and still be part of the world.
Here are 5 ways to not miss out on a thing:
1. Develop New Hobbies:
Replace whatever negative activities you were doing (drinking, smoking, gambling, promiscuous sex, scrolling endlessly on your phone, binging Netflix) with something else:
Going to the gym
Tarot Card/Crystals/New Agey Stuff
2. Meet Like-Minded People:
While you are participating in the new hobbies you are bound to meet people who are also interested in those things. Talk to the people you meet doing the new activities.
3. Start Saying a Clear NO to what you don’t like:
Practice saying no so you don’t do things you aren’t comfortable with. Start by doing it on your own. Stand up and say it nice and loud, “no thank you, I don’t want to do that.” “no thanks I prefer not to.” or “NO, that doesn’t work for me.” Practice with your coach or a supportive friend. Then when the time is right you can say it to anyone.
4. Get Clear on Your Goals:
Work with someone to figure out YOUR authentic values, wants, needs, and desires and then set your goals for the next 1, 2 and 3 years around them. Click here for your free session with me.
5. Keep Your Old Friends:
Just because you don’t want to do everything they do doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. When you know who you are share that. Get to know who your old friends are on a new level.
Being on a spiritual path is about adding lasting peace and happiness to your life. You don’t have to lose out on anything.
Thanks for reading this article, and I'd love to hear your comments. Please sign up below for my newsletter. If you are ready to do the inner work to be your best possible self and would like the help of someone who has been there and has strategies to support you, let’s talk. Schedule a FREE 30-minute consultation. I guide you to find clarity and create a plan that works for you.