Get Out of Your Own Way and Create Your Own Success
Most of us have a companion that travels with us #onourjourney and unfortunately, it can sometimes be a nasty one. Our negative critic, a cold whisper in our ear is with us every step of the way. It likes to point out the things that have gone wrong or might go wrong, our fears, our flaws, our worries. Hopefully, it is a relief to know that we all have it to some extent and that having it is no reason not to achieve all of your hopes and dreams. You can learn to become conscious and quiet that voice of whispers, rumors, and lies, and awaken to the one from within that holds your truth. With the wisdom of your higher self you get to create a life that has meaning for you: one with joy, passion, and purpose.
Like any creation, there needs to be a plan. And all good plans are laid out simply, with some basic steps to follow. Here are 8 steps to get out of your own way and #CREATEYOUROWNSUCCESS :
1. Pay attention to your time. You spend a lot of time on autopilot. Do you set #intentions for your day or do you spend it reacting to the circumstances and people around you? Do you choose the way your 24 hours pass by or do you find that at the end of the day you have no idea what just happened? Start noticing what you do with your precious time. Really notice. Spend one whole day logging exactly what you do, did you choose it, did someone else, did you allot time and stick to it or did hours simply slip away?
2. Pay attention to your self. Remember that nagging, negative voice? It knows all about your flaws but what about your strengths? Start to notice the things you do, think, say, feel that are #positive. Keep a journal and in it dedicate time every evening to listing at least 5 things you are proud of. If you find it a struggle at first, that is ok. Stick with it. Try taking a step back and looking at your day as an observer. If you were watching you from a little ledge up above what would you see? Look objectively, without that “negative Nelly” calling the plays. Notice all that you do that has meaning for you, others, or the world.
3. Pay attention to your story. Listen to yourself as you talk to others throughout the day. Keep an ear open for words like “no one, everyone, never, always”. Does your story sound like a soap opera where no one appreciates you, everyone is against you, you never get a break and pain is always around the corner?” And how many times have you complained about the same things, to another audience member? Are you repeating your tale of woe over and over again? Stop. This is victim talk and you are not a victim! You are not powerless or helpless unless you choose to be. There may be some difficult parts to your life at the moment and its good to acknowledge that but then it’s time to release the energy. Learn to #letgo of the negative story. Learn to move forward.
4. Pay attention to your lessons. Hey, we all make mistakes. If you are not making mistakes you are playing it super safe, you are risking nothing, trying nothing. When you live life fully, when you try new things, meet new people, have new experiences, and face #newchallenges you will take some wrong turns. So, ok, go ahead and feel what you need to: sad, angry, hurt, disappointed, and then release that energy so you can see clearly. What can you learn from the experience? How can you do things differently in the future? What strength has this forged in you?
5. Pay attention to your habits. Judgment, self-blame, avoiding, procrastinating, lashing out are all habits that we developed to keep us feeling comfortable. You can feel better for a moment when you blame another person for “making you feel bad”. It feels like you are in control to have that power. Maybe you don’t just blame them, maybe you punish them too. You might stop talking to them or withhold affection. You might be cold or aggressive to get your fix: a momentary surge of feeling less bad about yourself. This is destructive to your self-esteem, and to #relationships with others. Notice when you have the urge to act out in a habitual way. What just happened to trigger reactive behaviour? Catch it, quick as you can. You have about 3 seconds from triggered to habit reaction so the more you practice noticing the better you will be at interrupting the reflexive negative reaction.
6. Pay attention to your mind, body & spirit. Tune in to you and start to notice what happens inside when you are emotionally triggered. You might feel a tightening of your throat, a pulsing of your head, a pressure on your chest, or sickness in your tummy. What is it? Can you name the feeling at that spot? Stop, breathe, use your breath to focus and stay with the feeling. Don’t hide from it. Let it be there and learn that you can tolerate it. You can tolerate your #emotions and they are temporary if you let them be.
7. Pay attention to what you want. You probably know what you don’t want, now get in touch with what is right for you. What do you hold dear in your life? What do you truly value? What will your life look like when you are living in accordance with those values? Be specific. Write it down, in detail. Describe exactly what it will look like, and feel like for you to be #livingthelifeyouwant. Now spend time here, visualize it, imagine the sights, sounds, and feelings. Immerse yourself in it. Be who you want to be, starting today. Why are you waiting? If you want to be confident, start being exactly what you imagine confident to be, now.
8. Pay attention to what you need. You know how to comfort a friend. You know how to be supportive and helpful. When you see a friend struggling to succeed you are ready to lend a hand and when they are self-critical you are ready to bolster. Be your own friend. Ask yourself: “what do I need at this moment?” Notice when you are feeling defeated, or tired. Notice when you have not slept or eaten. Notice when you have not gotten proper exercise. Notice when you feel lonely. Take care of yourself and be kind. It is not a weakness to have needs, it is human. If we don’t know how to take care of ourselves and love ourselves we will not be able to truly love another.