Updated: May 12, 2021
Are you a thriver? Are you a survivor? Or do you fold like a piece of paper or blow away like a leaf on the wind when you are faced with the slightest adversity?
We might think that it depends on the circumstances:
What if someone is criticizing me?
What if someone dumps me?
What if I lose my job or don't get a promotion that I have been working my butt off for?
What if I fail at something?
It doesn't matter! Here's a secret: YOU DECIDE WHAT THE EVENT MEANS TO YOU! Whatever the circumstance, whatever the event, whatever is said or done, YOU DECIDE WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU!
If someone is criticizing you, decide first, is this "destructive" or "constructive" in nature? Sometimes people are just unhappy. They don't have a nice thing to say and so they don't say nice things. It isn't about you, not one bit. It is about them. They are miserable and sadly what gives them a moment of reprieve from their own misery is to lash out. It is often disguised as advice or a critique but it is clearly not coming from a kind place. They are taking pleasure in tearing you down. This is "destructive" criticism and it has zero benefit to either of you. Don't let it in. Just say something like: "that's interesting" and move on. There is no point in engaging because the only point in destructive criticism is to cause pain.
Especially, be mindful of YOUR OWN negative voice and the unkind words it says to you. Remember to turn down that dial when your inner critic starts chiming in with negative self-talk. In a previous blog, there are some tips to deal with this. Check it out because the most powerful voice you hear is your own, don't let it get away with smack talking you. It has no business doing that and you can control it!
Sometimes you are being offered "constructive" criticism. This is important to learn to accept. Another way of thinking of it is as: feedback. Everything that helps you evolve, learn, grow, see a lesson, find what is right for you is feedback and if you have been offered it then accept it with grace. I want it as much as possible so that I can expand into my fullest, richest potential, don't you? Stop thinking of it as rejection or judgment. That thinking simply blocks your progression and comes from a place of insecurity.
If someone "dumps" you, it is easy to feel rejected. No one can reject you unless you allow it. They are not rejecting YOU, they are saying they have outgrown the relationship. And we do that. We outgrow all kinds of things, including relationships. It doesn't take away anything from what YOU meant to them, and THEY meant to you at the onset. Whatever was there that was real is still real. Did you love them, they are still lovable. Did they love you, you are still lovable. You don't become worthless and they don't become a demon or vice versa. It is painful, of course to have something end that you hoped wouldn't end but if it is no longer working it is more painful to continue. Imagine if you had kept on in another relationship that you had outgrown just to avoid the pain of it ending? Your very first love, for example? Mine was at 15, he worked at the Pop Shoppe and drove a car with no floor, and a piece of sheet metal to cover the gap. He might still work there for all I know. He was a nice boy, but I am very glad we are not still together now. I would never have met my children's father. And if I was still with him, I would never be with my beloved now. Being dumped now, may end up being the best thing in the world eventually. Why not, decide it is.
Losing a job, or not getting a promotion might be quite a shock now. Again, take a step back. Everything is a part of building your potential. This news is not an exception. Was there something specific that you need to increase to build your skills if you want to remain on the same path? What feedback did you receive? Or what other avenue does this free you up for? Close your eyes, take a breath. Consider the opportunities that you were not pursuing because you were focused on this path. Is there something that is a better fit for you? Did you lose the job, or miss the promotion because you are better suited for something entirely different? Have you been dreaming of starting your own business? Have you been wanting to write your book? Do you have a gift that you can monetize? Now is the time to explore and go within. Listen to your intuitive voice, access your inner resources and your external ones and make a new plan for your future.
Have you failed at something? Who hasn't? Seriously, do you think that other people are successful all the time and you are the only one who has failed? When you look at any successful person, you are looking at a failer. Not a failure. A successful person knows you MUST fail, you must make mistakes. That isn't what matters. What matters is that you don't stop there, you don't let that be the end of the story. Martha Steward went to jail for goodness sakes. That is a big old fail. And yet, her story does not end there. She was back in motion as soon as she got released from jail. She knows that failing is not failure. You decide if you are a success, no one else. You are only a failure when you stop trying, when you say: "I give up."
Everyone has set backs of some kind. You are not going to be an exception to that rule and neither am I. What are you going to do about it? Keep telling yourself the truth:
You are a winner
You are a survivor
You are doing great
You are strong and confident
You are excited to be learning and growing every single day
I am happy and grateful to be able to help you on your journey to success. Let's talk about it in a free 30-minute clarity session today.
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