One of the things I hear the most when I suggest one of my one:one life coaching clients use affirmations is "UGH, not those again!" For something that is supposed to be a big positive in someone's day, that is not precisely the response that I'm going for. But, I totally understand.
Affirmations became, like kale. Something you just had to get through, pinch your nose, and DO IT because it was bloody good for you! It didn't matter if you hated it, if it seemed pointless, if it tasted like dirt, or made you gag. You just did it.
And you said the same affirmations as everyone else: I am enough. I am safe. I am strong.
I am beautiful.
Hey! Wait a minute, some of my clients are saying, you told me to say those exact ones? What's wrong with them? Nothing. Not a darn thing is wrong with them. I still think they are peachy. I am enough. I am safe. I am strong, I am beautiful. So are you.
Now, though it is time to move on and become more specific and more personal with the affirmations that are just RIGHT for YOU.
Let's back up a bit. You might be consciously thinking and saying to yourself all kinds of things to inspire confidence. I am enough, for example. And yet, underneath, in your subconscious you are saying some other stuff that is sneakily cancelling that out like a big old eraser.
We have 2 minds. There is the conscious mind that we think we are operating with as we go about our day and our lives. And guess what? It is really only in charge of about 2-4% of our thoughts, habits, and behaviours. It is actually our subconscious (or unconscious mind) that makes up the rest that is in the driver's seat. Our subconscious mind is the one that we connect with emotionally, and it is the one that counters your "I am enough" with an immediate "who do you think you are kidding, miss fancy pants?". It is your subconscious mind that we need to convince LOVES kale, for real.
That is where you need to go to make your affirmations: the subconscious mind. How? Get a sheet of paper and a pen. Close your eyes and sit silently for 5 minutes with the question, what is wrong with me? And let the thoughts flow.....
Most of us are quite able to come up with a number of our repeating negative thoughts pretty easily. " I am too fat, I never finish what I start, I am not good at relationships, I am impatient, I am .... " You get the idea.
Now, on a second sheet of paper write an opposite statement to each and every one of these negative thoughts. If you wrote " I am too fat" write " I have a beautiful body", I am not good at relationships" becomes "I am a loving and respectful partner", "I am impatient" is now "I am patient".
Destroy the negatives immediately. Be creative in how you do that, unleash your imagination and come up with a ritual like floating it down the river as an origami boat, or burning it, or burying it but don't sit and dwell on the list, it has served its purpose and must die. It is the positive list that you want to focus on. You have now created the RIGHT affirmations for you straight from your subconscious mind.
The key is to use it wisely. So, take 5 minutes each morning and review it with GUSTO. Really connect emotionally to your list as you look into a mirror. Read it, then gaze into your eyes and state emphatically the true statement that you wrote " I have a beautiful body", "I am a loving and respectful partner." You may have also got the old standbys on there "I am enough, I am safe, etc. " Read them out loud, strong and proud. Every, single, day.
Now, you have your list of affirmations. Start to live in accordance with them. It is easier to do when you have someone in your corner cheering you on and supporting you, and especially holding you accountable every day. My life coaching is exactly that. I help my clients get on the right track and stay there. If you know there is more to life than what you have been living, you are right and I want to help you realize your dreams. Let's talk more about it. Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let's arrange it today.
Much love and light,