Unbelievably, we are still in the midst of a pandemic and it is mid February, 2021. We are on the very cusp of Valentine's Day and how prey tell do we celebrate this day of love, and passion while we are still standing 6 feet apart and wearing respiratory protection? It could be considered a mood killer.
I count myself fortunate to be a relationship survivor. Relationships are one of the casualties not listed on the daily news charts. We are used to seeing: #### cases, ## hospitalized, and a certain number of fatalities scroll past on the newsfeed. What doesn't get reported is the number of long term relationships that have also ended up on life support, and sadly haven't made it through the latest lock down. This virus has brought a lot of things to a head. In some cases, that had to happen, the plug was in need of pulling for a long time. But for some, who knows what the outcome might have been if they could've gotten out of the door on a few date nights, and to a coach or therapist. What if they'd gotten a little extra help, that just isn't available right now? They will never know.
Now, what about those folks who are looking for their soul's mate? Dating comes with interesting challenges at the best of times. If you are someone looking to meet another someone today there are unique challenges. So what do you do:
Online sites - please, please, please don't start swiping right or left. Remember, you get out what you put in and if all you invest in someone is a cursory glance, a judgment, and a swipe, chances are not great that your values and principles will align. Put in some effort. Know who you are and what you want. Know what values you hold and what your non-negotiables are. Be ready to open up and be willing to share that information. Expect the same back. Just because you can't meet in person yet doesn't mean your standards need to be lowered for yourself and your future partner.
Know thine self - decide if you even want a relationship. Valentine's day is a time when people can feel loneliness more intensely. Everyone gets lonely sometimes. Reaching out and jumping in to form a romantic attachment out of loneliness is like buying a puppy at Christmas. It is a lovely, cute gift on the day and then what? If you are truly ready for the responsibility that goes along with it, a puppy grows into a joyful companion. That is because you have put in the work to stay up at night with it, house train it, take it for walks, clean up the messes, feed it, spend tons of money on vet bills, and do all of the responsible things to ensure a safe and happy home. If not, you end up with an unruly, unmanageable dog that pees on your carpet, jumps on your friends and eats your shoes. Don't start dating until you are mature enough, and whole enough to put in the work a relationship requires.
Be patient - dating in Covid is the opposite of free love. You don't know this person. They are not in your bubble. Apart from all the rest of the safe sex talk that you got when you were twelve, now you have to think about way more than your own safety. It's not just that you can put yourself at risk, if you decide to go for a quick romp in the hay with Mr. Sexy Pants that you just met, your wild night could kill granny next time you see her. It's not a moral judgment on your sexuality, its just the way the virus spreads. If he's got it, you can get it and pass it on to someone vulnerable. You might be ok, and they might not. If this person is special, and the one for you then take your time and make sure that you are well enough to enjoy their company for a long time and that you don't have any consequences of harm to anyone else along the way. Imagine your new love trying to survive the guilt and grief of a loss that could have been avoided if you'd taken the time to meet responsibly, and safely.
Find ways to be close - Even when you can't be together find ways to show you care. This is where all that time getting to know each other will really pay off. Do you both love a sport? Join a fantasy pool and have some friendly competition online with each other, our form a team and follow it together. Do you love music? Learn to play an instrument together over Zoom. Have a dance party. Sing Karaoke. Do you love to write short stories? Read to each other or write stories starring the two of you as the romantic heroes. Cook a meal together and light candles at each location. None of those things cost a penny but every now and then, if you have the budget you could order a small token that says, "I'm thinking of you" : a card, a special tea, a guitar pick.... be creative.
Expanding your bubble - Once you are sure that this is someone that you would like to keep around then you are going to want to expand your bubble: you are going to want to meet. This is going to take some consideration. Who else is this going to affect? Remember, you are not an island and that your decision is likely going to have an impact on others. You might be a very private person and normally, that is coolio but now each person has conditions that affect a wider circle. They go to work, they have a family, they have their own bubble too. Are they willing to isolate from others if that is necessary? Are you? Are they willing to get the vaccine once it is available? Are you? Communication is a huge part of a relationship and how you join your bubbles is one of those things that needs discussion so that everyone is clear on expectations.
It is my greatest wish that you all find love today. All you need to do is go within, love is there always, unconditionally. You are filled with love and light. I encourage you to take a moment whether you are in loving relationship with your beloved, are happily single, or are open to finding a soul mate to honour, with gratitude the kind and compassionate person who is there for you no matter what: yourself.
I would love to connect with you if you want to talk more about how we can work together to discover your confidence, discover yourself and become an extraordinary woman. If you want to learn more about becoming a client or about becoming a certified life coach contact me at: